seeing the appeal
by CalPal052699
Summary: "I don't hate babies, Castle, I just don't see the appeal, but I assure I'll feel differently when we have one of our own" Kate realizes how true that statement was after the birth of her daughter. Based on that line from 'The good, the bad and the baby' 6x10


_"I don't hate babies, Castle, I just don't see the appeal, but I assure I'll feel differently when we have one of our own"_

* * *

"Push, Kate! You got this, come one, the baby is almost here" she heard him her ear, word of encouragement whispered for only her to hear, and it was the only thing she did hear. She had blocked out everything else much earlier, when he was the only thing keeping her from giving up.

The pain was almost unbearable, and the only thing keeping her going through all of it was his voice, soft and sweet, and the knowledge of why exactly she was going through all this. It certainly wasn't for nothing. None of what she had endured during the past nine months was for nothing. It was all for the baby she was on the verge – hopefully – of bringing into the world.

"Castle… it hurts… so much" she managed to get out, panting, eyes closed tightly as she tried to compose herself. It wasn't working. Nothing was working, at all. Pain meds weren't working. The breathing they taught her in lamaze class was useless. Screaming, yeah that was just her expressing her frustration towards this long and painful process. She was pretty sure she had broken Castle's hand about an hour before. Her throat felt like sandpaper, dry from all the moan and groans and screams that had escaped her during labor even more as she attempted to deliver her child. Seat covered her entire body, and Castle had wiped it off her brow countless times since she told him her water broke earlier that morning. She felt weak, not whole body fighting off exhaustion because she knew she had to do it, that she couldn't give up, that their baby was depending on her and only her in that very moment.

"You can do it, Kate. You got this. Bring us our baby" his words are spoken just as softly as the others, and echo through her mind as the doctor's voice tells her to push again. With another groan, she obliges, desperately hoping that it would be one of the last pushes she needed to suffer through before her baby was out and in the physical world with her and Rick.

He was counting in her ear, slow and steady like he had for each and every other painful push. She silently wished seconds were faster, and that counting to ten took less time, because she wanted desperately to throw her head against the pillow and feel true relief for the first time in hours. But, as the numbers became smaller, she heard the doctor's voice cutting through her concentration, telling that she could only take a short breath before pushing again, because baby's head was almost out. She let out another groan of frustration, aimed simply at her current situation, and waited for Castle to get to one before taking a quick breath and pushing again. He didn't count that time. Besides, the doctor was telling her to stop within seconds, an order to which she gratefully obliged, listening happily as the doctor told her the baby's head was out and that it would only be one to two more pushes before she could hold her child.

"Hear that, Kate. The baby's right there. I can see it. You're almost there. You can do this. Bring us our baby" he was whispering in her ear once again. Her had clasped his even tighter, her other hand gripping the railing of the bed, and she nodded quickly, a simple movement of the head telling him how excited she was to meet their baby.

She wanted to reply, but every part of her being was overcome with a determination so pure, wanting so badly just to have her baby in her arms and to be able to hold the precious child they created, the one she carried for long months, put up with morning sickness and cravings and mood swings and middle-of-the-night awakenings for. She wanted to hold her baby and bring him or her home, and wake up for midnight feedings, and watch as her child's little face change as he or she slept, and see it's first smile, and laugh, and every other first that followed.

So, when the doctor told her to push again, she put all her might into it, worked as hard as she possibly could at that point to bring her little one into the world. Castle's lips pressed to her head hard, as if he knew that was the moment and that his encouragement wasn't needed nearly as much – his lips against her skin was encouragement enough. And her hand squeezed his as tightly as she possibly could, her whole being focussing solely on the birth of her child, every muscle in her body working for one common goal, from her abs to her heart.

And then she heard it, and her head was thrown back in relief and happiness, and her heart swelled with immediate love, the love she had heard of so many times but never experienced truly until that very moment, the love for her baby. The screams echoed loudly through the roof, and they overwhelmed her whole body with a flood of emotions, a mix so complex she didn't even want to begin to decipher it. His lips were still pressed to her head, and she could feel the love and amazement and emotion radiating off of him as the newborn was placed on her chest, still screaming and wiggling as it got used to the change of temperature and the new world that surrounded it.

"It's a girl" announced the doctor as a nurse came over and ran a blanket over the baby girl's bloody body, cleaning the life that had just been brought into the world. Kate was crying again, so thankful for her daughter, her little girl. She wanted to protest as the nurse scooped her up, but she watched silently, patiently waiting for them to bring her warm, healthy daughter to her, because nothing mattered more in that moment than the health of her little baby girl.

"Go with her" she told Castle, not bothering to look at him, but knowing the look of longing on her face was spread across his as well. He didn't even bother to argue, knowing her well enough to know that she always won. So he left her side and went to the side of their daughter. She smiled as she watched, knowing a huge smile was spread across his face, seeing his hand reach out to run over the little girl's cheek. She saw the baby looking up at him, eyes wide, as if she knew it was her father, the man would love and cherish her for the rest of her life. She heard him whisper a soft hello, and could hear the thick emotion in his voice, low and husky. It touched her heart in all the right places, the man she loved, her husband, her little girl, their little girl. She watched as he watched the nurse wrap the tiny baby in a pink blanket, and cried when the little bundle was handed to him. He turned around, allowing her to see the tears flooding his eyes as the baby laid in the crook of his elbow, his free hand reaching up to once again caress the face she had no doubt was perfect. And, with a quick glance in the nurse's direction, and a nod of approval from said nurse, he was walking in her direction, their baby girl in his arms.

She cried, again, as he gently placed the precious, perfect baby in her arms, and as his lips pressed to the top of her head and lingered there for a long while. Her eyes were locked on the precious life cradled in her arms, the little girl with big blue eyes, chubby cheeks and little lips pushed into the perfect, most adorable pout. Her little nose was just like Kate's had been when she was a baby, her whole face looked exactly like her mother's once had, except for the eyes that mirrored her father's. On her head was like amber fuzz, only a little. Kate couldn't help but smile, her eyes still damp with tears that were on the verge of falling. Just the thought that she and Rick and created such a precious little person, a beautiful little girl that was loved, and healthy and that would be so smart and beautiful and would grow up to follow her dreams and to know that she is loved unconditionally. She already loved her daughter so much.

For years, she hadn't been a baby person. She had never seen the appeal in a little person that did nothing but eat and sleep and poop. She understood that people loved babies, but never really understood why everyone just wanted to hold them and pinch their cheeks and tickle their toes. She never had wanted to do that to a baby. And she had never really been around baby's much. She was an only child. She didn't have many cousins and only one aunt and one uncle. She had isolated herself from most people after her mother died, and had very few friends while people her age were having kids. She had never known what to do with a baby, as proven when she and Caste had taken in Benny for a night during a case years before. Castle ended up doing the bulk of the work that night, as she handed him supplies, read baby books and tentatively held the baby boy like it was a ticking time bomb – which she probably would've held more comfortably since there would be no fear of breaking it. She had always been scared of breaking someone's baby. She just… didn't feel comfortable around them.

Even throughout her pregnancy, Kate had feared that she would be a horrible mother to their child. She would try and joke about it every now and then, bring up the experience with Benny, but she could never quite calm the nerves that she would have to let Castle do pretty much everything, like he had that night. She didn't know how to hold a baby, for goodness sakes, and there she was having one of her own. God forbid Castle went on a book tour and left her alone with the baby. She had been scared to death that she would leave their baby without a mother, but also that she would leave their baby without a good mother, even if she was to live until the child grew up and was off on their own. Castle had spent all nine long months trying to soothe her worries, telling her she wasn't in it alone, that he would be there to help her and that as soon as she saw their little baby, her motherly instincts would kick in. She had never believed him, though, not that she ever told him that. He somehow knew anyway, and didn't stop with his encouragements until the day their daughter came into the world.

When she went into labor, something suddenly came over her. A little fear, a little nerves, a little panic, but all were covered up by the overwhelming love and excitement she had for the baby she knew was coming into her life soon. As labor went on, she could the excitement and love grew, and everything else failed in comparison. She had just wanted to see and hold her little one, and love them and let them know that everything would be okay, and that she would try her best and that they were blessed with a super awesome dad. She wanted that, and for the first time since the pregnancy test came back positive, she believed that she could do it without letting the baby depending on her down. She was determined to bring her child into the world, and to take care of them and to help Rick like she had promised once, standing in a dumpster years before. She was suddenly overwhelmed with courage, and part of her knew she could do it.

And when Rick put that beautiful little girl in her arms, all leftover fear was wiped away completely and was replaced by a love so pure, she couldn't even put it into words. There was an instant connection between her and her daughter – a connection that came with the instant assurance that she would be okay. Yes, she would probably make mistakes, but what mom didn't? She would get frustrated and upset, and sometimes angry, but she would love her daughter through it all. She would do anything for her little girl, anything, no matter what. She would make sure her daughter was happy and healthy and had everything she would want or need, to a certain extent. And that was what truly mattered, she realized as she looked down at the baby's slowly closing blue eyes.

"Are we still…" he trailed, speaking for the first time since he put the precious being they created together in her arms. She pulled her eyes off the baby and met his, overwhelmed when eyes the exact same shade of blue as her daughter's looking back at her. She was so glad the girl was blessed with those blue eyes, even though it would make it twenty times harder for her to ever say no to her.

She knew what he was asking without him having to finish his sentence, and nodded with a smile coming across her lips. She gaze broke from his and moved back down to the now sleeping baby girl in her arms, and a couple more tears came to her eyes. It was the name they had chosen, he wanted to make sure that was still the plan – to name after her mother without using the full name that brought up so much grief and after the character that ultimately brought them together.

"Hi.. Hannah Nicole Castle" she whispered, and when his lips pressed to little Hannah's small head and then hers, she found everything had changed. The fear was gone, almost every last drop. The urge to pinch Hannah's cheeks and tickle her toes was there within her, coming out in full swing. The love for the baby in her arms was overwhelming, overtaking every single cell of her being. She had a daughter, she had her own little family. She had her husband, and their daughter, the creation of their love. It was all so perfect.

She had been right on that case years ago, it was so, so different with one of their own. She felt so different as she held their own little girl in her arms. For the first time in her life, she found herself seeing the appeal in babies, in the precious little being that lay sleeping against her chest.


End file.
